The Nagualist Newsletter and Open Forum / Issue 3 Oct./Nov. 1994
Copyright 1994 by Nagualist Newsletter, all rights reserved. Individual submissions by readers and staff of the newsletter are also protected under copyright law. No portion may be reproduced without the written permission of the Nagualist Newsletter and of the individual who made the submission. Additional copies may be available at no charge.

More notes on the Menlo Park lecture.

These lecture notes, and those on the Gaia Bookstore lecture, were obtained from the same source on Internet. We contacted the author to obtain permission to reprint them in the newsletter. Thanks to the reader from Finland who was the first to point them out to us. These notes are on the same lecture reported in the last issue, but are just as valuable.

These are the notes of the Taisha Abelar public talk in Menlo Park, California held January 7, 1994. These notes are not in the public domain; they may be distributed to friends interested in Abelar, CC and Donner, but please do not repost them on other bulletin boards and they may not be published in any magazine etc. Permission is granted to Nagualist Newsletter to reprint them in their 1994 issues only. Please respect the style of teaching of Abelar, Castaneda etc. which seems to be based on limited public display.

I missed a small amount of the beginning. I arrived at the book store on time, and since I had not had dinner walked down to the McDonald's on the corner. I felt a little edgy about not being at the bookstore, but told myself I spend too much of my time being edgy when there is plenty of time and had my hamburger. When I got back to the bookstore the lecture had already started, half an hour early at Abelar's request since she had a flight to catch and the hall was filled up anyway. I stood outside in the garden and listened to the lecture on the loudspeaker. I missed a little of the beginning, but apparently not the formal part of the lecture. I took detailed notes.

"Tonight's talk with be on Stopping. To Stop you must only do one thing. Decide to be a warrior or not.

"The assemblage point fluctuates naturally in sleep. It will also move under the influence of drugs, deep meditation, starvation, sensory deprivation.

"The assemblage point is located behind you at the level of your shoulder blades.

"Sorcerers use Discipline to move their assemblage points.

"Everyone of us can 'see' energy - even now - but you are no longer aware of it. Infants on the other hand perceive energy directly. However, as they get older the 'Usher' introduces them to the world of ordinary reality. Instead of seeing amorphous energy, the infant one day will assemble the energy configuration into...a table. A toy. A dog. A tree. Each time the transformation comes from the Usher.

"First and foremost we live in a world of energy. Only secondarily do we live in a world of objects. The position of the assemblage point determines the reality that we assemble of the energy.

"The sorcerer [presumably unlike the hunger artists and sensory deprivers] seeks to FIX the assembly point at a new location [not just move it]. To agglutinate energy again into new sets of 'objects' and hence into a new 'reality.'

"This world is not as important as we make it out to be. Our language is biased; we call it 'reality' when it is really only one of many modes of the assemblage point. For convenience though let us refer to it as 'ordinary' reality.

"Ordinarily once the Ushers do their work of helping us perceive the various energy configurations as 'objects,' the assemblage point is fixed once and for all and the assemblage point does not move thereafter.

"We are forced to maintain a world of everyday life until we die.

"By the way death, from a sorcerer's standpoint, is not the fast process that it appears to be. The glow of the assemblage point fades quickly, but all the other energy strands that make up the energy egg of the human being can take a long long time to disperse. This process can also be slowed down, for example if you were buried in a lead coffin right after death.

"The alternative to being stuck all your life on one assemblage point is to move it by the practice of Discipline, and then to fix it at a new location while awake.

"A firm foundation in the warrior's way is required for heavy duty stopping and dreaming."

"Discipline is not the same thing as practiced by Catholic girls in a convent. Nor the same thing as what USED to be practiced by the nuns themselves. It is not getting up early to do aerobics before going to work, or eating sensibly. These are just routines, habits. Not a warrior's Discipline.

"From the point of view of a warrior, stalker or dreamer, Discipline is abstract - an unbending hooking to a purpose - so that the actual implementation of the Discipline is actually very flexible and fluid. It takes courage of steel, there is no room for doubt or hesitation which will otherwise rise up to pull you back to the everyday world of tantrums and self indulgence.

"Discipline leads to harmony, well being and balance. Everyday life, on the other hand, is indulgence.

"Unbending unyielding purpose is what is required for Discipline in our quest for freedom.

"At the Phoenix Bookstore [ed. note - Santa Monica, CA I think] talks recently - some of you were there - Carlos Castaneda gave a talk of the 'warrior's way.'

"You can't 'learn' to be a warrior! It is just a decision you have to make one day for yourself on your own. Asking someone to teach you to be a warrior is the wrong approach, it is the 'poor baby me' approach to warriorship.

"Carlos Castaneda said that first and foremost the transfiguring event in a warrior's life, what is at the bedrock of becoming a warrior, is accepting responsibility for your own death. This is the bottom line. Don't assume you are immortal.

"Face infinity and death in the mirror at night.

"Just by doing this, taking death as an advisor this way, lots of things will fall off, fall away from you.

"Assume responsibility for your perception of the world. Not just the single perception you were born into. Instead intend the movement of your assemblage point to other areas of the luminous egg. If you tighten your belt, curtail the other things in your life the point will JUST MOVE ON ITS OWN without any exercises or routines on your part. The lamp of awareness, strong now that you have cut the excess baggage out of your life, will shine on all the other possible positions of your assemblage point.

"The next rule of being a warrior is to pay your debts. A warrior is very generous. He or she does not look at the world in terms of what other people owe him or her. The warrior looks at the world in terms of opportunities to discharge his or her debts to other people so he or she will not be tied up forever.

"This paying of debts leads to an unbiased affection for all things. Most of what we consider to be affection is the trading of favors with other people. The warrior, on the other hand, gives affection with no expectation of return. It is not that the warrior is trying to eliminate affection, be an unfeeling person. The warrior's affection is just so unbiased it unravels everyday connections. The warrior's affection is so unbiased that if the warrior goes into another reality completely different from this one the warrior's affection will extend to all the other new beings that exist in that other reality.

"If someone has really INJURED you this also needs to be paid back. The concept of paying debts is not a sentimental concept limited to returning the good connections. The point is to loosen all connections. If you are connected to someone who injured you, you may need to sever that connection by paying back the injury. So it is not a moral issue; it goes two ways.

"The warrior's path is an escape hatch, somewhere to go after you have finished dismantling everyday life. There is no room for crapping out, for fear, for indulgence, for regrets or for nostalgia when going into the unknown.

"Unbending determination is the only choice you can make or terrible things will happen to you once you have accumulated enough energy [by using death as an advisor to cut loose the excess baggage].

"You CANNOT be half assed, half willing or, with your partial energy, even worse things will happen to you [than if you had never taken this path]. "Take back the energy used to support the everyday world [by using death as an advisor and paying back debts]. The everyday world is a gigantic edifice but it rest on just three cornerstones:

"(1) how we present ourselves in the world, how we fit into the social structure. The recapitulation lets you think about all this, how you fit in, it is a looking glass of how others see you in your hopes and fears. All this takes energy. The warrior looks instead at what he or she is doing in the face of death and what conduct, what intensity is really appropriate in that light.

"(2) the second cornerstone is our biological need to mate and to reproduce. We are social animals. Sorcerers say - let the others do it. Sorcerers need the energy that goes into the social dance and biological need to get their freedom. We refuse to be the flower that blooms -and dies - to propagate the species. Security of the family is one of the strongest attractions to the social order. There is a tremendous fear of being alone, of dying alone. Sorcerers have to learn to be ALONE for long stretches, which is why Don Juan and the others would test us by keeping us alone, on our own, to see how we handled solitude. Why are you so afraid to have no movies, no friends. It is also important to learn to keep mental silence, mental solitude, for long periods. The world will then collapse on its own without the inner talk! Dreaming is also very alone, facing the dangers in the dreaming world alone.

"We are talking about STOPPING tonight and have to get used to solitude. As women we just don't want to be an old maid, a bitter old maid with a mole and whiskers on her cheek as was held up to me. We learn these things, the need to be beautiful to catch a good mate and we fund the entire cosmetics industry with our fears and worries. In recapitulation we have a chance to see this and to look for alternatives.

"The warrior's way [is not to get trapped in the biological imperative to mate and the social dance motivated by loneliness it] is to give unbounded affection instead, not to count the number of affairs we have or be in a relationship and daydream about alternatives that would be even better for us. A warrior's affection so transcends the social order that the warrior can move to any other position of the assemblage point, even an unknown universe and still be full of affection. So don't be afraid to chip away at this second cornerstone of everyday reality, that if you do so you won't have any affections or feelings left.

"The third cornerstone of ordinary reality is very subtle; it is self importance. We joked about putting out a bumper sticker 'Self-importance kills' because a false sense of self importance, when undercut, is a great source of suicide and illness not to mention taking away from a zest for living. Everyone manifests self importance one way or another, either by wanting to be best in something or by wanting to play the martyr and be the worst - the use my bones as stepping stones to your own glory syndrome. Don't substitute false humility or false modesty for pride about your self importance. The important thing to realize is that you are no MORE and no LESS important than any other living thing. To think otherwise is like one ant in a heap carrying an especially big load and thinking it is the most important, the best ant when in a moment I will step on that ant and all his companions and they will be equal in their death. Something will 'step' on all of us someday, just like one of us might step on an ant hill. We are all equal and self importance is nothing but a reward from the social order of everyday reality, like the drip of a drug into your brain to keep you hooked on the social order. It is better to save your energy and take your freedom instead.

"The 'Selector.' A very simple mechanical model of a needle pointing in a certain direction and we get our energy configuration lined up at a new assemblage point. The Selector does it all for you if you have enough energy it pulls certain things in the universe down to you. Once you have restored your energy by the recapitulation there is no need for chanting or special rituals to move your assemblage point. Where why how the Selector moves the assemblage point we don't know all we can do is acquiesce in the movement, act implacably under the terrible pressure of the Selector.

"Stalking. I - stalkers in general - use behavior to move the assemblage point to create maximum cognitive dissonance."

"You cannot choose where to move your assemblage point when you are living as a stalker because if you choose you will not have enough cognitive dissonance between the old point and the new point to work with. This is why warriors are under tremendous pressure, because the Selector - or spirit - chooses difficult new positions that are so scary or different that sometimes the assemblage point of the warrior, when subjected to the pressure to move, starts vibrating in place, you can see this energetically. If the warrior lapses into an internal dialog about what is going on, then the point will not relocate it will snap back to its normal position which for you is ordinary reality.

"It takes tremendous pressure to move the point and what you need to do is to keep the pressure up but it should be harmonious pressure or you could actually go crazy. Once you have energy and unbending intent the point will move very easily with no problems and after you do the recapitulation it will move sometimes and you won't even be aware of it.

"I had certain tasks chosen for me by the Selector. I had to completely live as different people, this was not just acting during the day or being aware you are acting it was complete immersion in a new self. 24 hours a day. You ARE that new person. Let me be Sheila Waters for you. [Puts on wig and eyeglasses.] I have to wear eyeglasses when I am Sheila Waters.

"Sheila Waters was pointed out to me by the Selector (spirit or whatever you want to call it) I had to become a business woman, get an MBA, real estate license, paralegal, invest in commodities, keep business relationships with attorneys and accountants and all the other people in the business world. I got things done and made and lost fortunes. Because when you are in that assemblage position there is a natural desire to succeed, not fail, so naturally the tendency is to try to make lots of money, not just stand still or lose money. If you are not impeccable it is easy to lose money by not listening to your own inner voice. I decided that I had to have some really great timber land in the north and it was really great land perfect in every way; except that it was near Mt. St. Helena and when the volcano blew up it was ruined. I used to read the Wall Street Journal and watch Ruyckhaueser [spelling?].

"Other personas. [Takes off glasses and wig.] In Mexico I was under Emilito's supervision he was more of a guardian or spectator than a teacher, would not interfere with the roles the Selector chose for me. I was Ricky, the first position chosen for me, an American gringo male trying to pass himself off as a Mexican. I dressed in man's clothing, passed for a man, romanced a lady and even used the urinals. Don't ask me to tell you what I had to do to use the urinals, I will put it in my new book Stalking the Double.

"The second assemblage point chosen for me was a young ingenue from Texas, niece of some women in Mexico who were of course really the women sorcerers from Don Juan's party. I had blonde hair by choice and would parade in the square waiting to attract men to this virginal thing, because of course I had to be a virgin, and the blonde hair was very startling and attractive.

"It is essential to be absolutely fluid. That is the point of all the not-doing exercises, so that you can be absolutely fluid and when the Selector moves your assemblage point you will have the Discipline to be able to fix it at its new location.

"You cannot view yourself as just a cynical manipulator of behavior, acting out one role then another. It must be real to you, absolutely real.

"Next I was a crazy beggar. Sat on the church steps bitten by fleas and mosquitoes all day but although I am allergic to bites in my role as a crazy beggar woman I did not care, did not mind them at all. I was a crazy female outcast beggar so I had 4 strikes against me and all the time in the world to just sit there and watch the world go by because no one noticed me or cared.

"To conclude. Nothing is real, just a manipulation of behavior, just a result of the accidental fixation of our assemblage point at birth. That is what the stalker learns from being so many different people. Each position is equally real and hence equally phantoms. We cherish our present positions, but even the closest, most real ones are just phantoms when you move to another position.

"It took years of recapitulation to undermine the sense of reality . At the same time I had to replace reality with the warrior's way to avoid the trap of cynicism. Turn my response to the world into controlled folly, the warrior's delight!

"If you have the energy all the things it [Selector, spirit] puts around you become things of beauty and strength, in the highest sense your life becomes surrounded by a display of living art.

"Remember that you are already dead, already a phantom like everything else, and lose your sense of self importance.

"Know beyond a shadow of a doubt that nothing is real."

[Questions & answers; questions inaudible in the garden.]

"After the recapitulation and not doing, then you can see.

"Moving into another complete band of the luminous egg is like dying, because the glow of your awareness in the everyday world has gone out. Awareness is still with you but you are perceiving a different reality. To the ordinary reality world you are gone, dead.

"There are similarities between Chinese acupuncture theory and the sorcerer's description of the luminous body. If you draw the main body meridians they form an egg like the sorcerers describe. Also Chinese theory is that you are born with a limited supply of intrinsic energy, same view as sorcerers. We think that the assemblage point in the embryo is in the embryo and only relocates outside the embryo when the Ushers bring in the ordinary reality. Also some people are born more energetically powerful than others. For example if both parents are energetic and the baby is raised on the mother's milk. But don't worry if you were not born with a special abundance of energy, you have all you need if you will be careful with it. Also you will get extra jolts when your assemblage point moves. We just need to be more disciplined to guard our energy. It really does not take much energy anyway to move the point.

"Nietsche said whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger. That is how sorcerers think. But otherwise be careful of philosophers because they are famous crazy self indulgers.

"Recapitulation. There is no method. There is a method but it is not important whether you move your head from right to left or from left to right or set aside a regular time or a lot of time. What is important is the unbending intent to recapitulate. Then spirit will guide you into the right form and time and amount of practice. With intent, time will set itself. When you make the right intent, you will have 27 generations of sorcerers behind you. They did not all practice the recapitulation the same way, but their intent will hook you support you and guide you. The intent out there to recapitulate is constant but the method varies. Therefore:

"1. Intend it.

"2. Have an integrity about it - don't brag or compete (competition is the worst thing in the world, it is a primary support for the third cornerstone of everyday reality, the sense of self importance).

"3. Discipline order harmony. Don't be random unless you intend it. Most people make a list and work backwards.

"4. Breath. Direction not important. What is important is using the breath to pull the energy back.

"Letter came to Carlos Castaneda - 'I recapitulated last night. Can I join your party now?' Recapitulation takes a lifetime, not a night."

[end of transcription. By]

Nagualist Newsletter and Open Forum / Issue 3 Oct./Nov. 1994